Kentucky Serendipity

In the mid-nineties while living in Prestonsburg, Kentucky, I made the acquaintance of Jim. Jim was recently retired from a natural gas pipeline company where he had spent his adult working life. Jim’s first love was not gas pipelines (whose is?) but rather farming and animal husbandry. When young he planned to become a veterinarian and went to Berea College after graduating from high school. However, a semester in college made him decide that higher education was not his cup of tea and he returned to the family farm. He began working at the aforementioned pipeline company but his heart stayed on the farm.

He kept the family farm going over the years, raising cattle and keeping an apple orchard. He was an avid reader and gained considerable knowledge of good farming practices. Throughout the community he was known as an honest and educated farmer with a kind heart. When a neighbor needed advice about crops, the neighbor would go to Jim. If a farmer had a sick animal, the farmer would go to Jim. Jim always helped, and his years of experience and self-education would generally provide solutions to the problems he encountered.

And so it happened that late one night, past midnight, a neighbor knocked on Jim’s door. Jim had been asleep for several hours but he roused and answered the door. The neighbor told Jim that the neighbor had a cow which was having trouble calving — the calf was stuck and the cow couldn’t deliver it. Jim quickly dressed and walked to the neighbor’s pickup truck. The night was dark and chill, and a steady rain had been falling for several hours. The men’s boots made sucking sounds as they trudged through the pasture to the cow. Jim looked at the cow and told the neighbor that the calf was breech and was definitely stuck.

“Get some rope,” Jim told the neighbor. When the neighbor returned with rope, Jim explained the plan. “I’ll tie the rope around the calf’s legs,” Jim said, “and I’ll pull the calf out. You put your arms around the cow’s neck and pull as hard as you can.” The rope was tied, the men positioned themselves and began pulling with the cold rain running down their heads and backs. They gave a great effort and after some strained minutes the calf came free from its mother.

At this point I need to interrupt the story and tell you something of which Jim had not taken proper notice. The cow pasture was the side of a hill, and Jim was on the downside of the hill from the cow. So when the calf came free, Jim went backwards and down, heels over head on the wet, muddy hillside.

Sorry, but I need to interrupt the story again to tell you something of which Jim was completely ignorant. Just below the men and the cow was the farmer’s barn. And just in front of the barn was the neighbor’s manure pile. So when Jim went tumbling down the hill he not only rolled through mud but also fell flat back into a considerable pile of wet cow manure. (splat!)

The neighbor quickly descended to Jim’s “resting” place. “Jim! Are you okay?”

“Yup”, said Jim.

The neighbor was filled with pity and a desire to laugh. “That sure is a smelly mess,” he said.

“Yup,” said Jim.

“Well, come over to my pickup and I’ll give you a ride home,” the neighbor offered.

“I’ll sit in the back,” Jim said.

“Yup,” the neighbor replied.

Jim’s ride home was softened somewhat by the straw in the back of the truck but that did little to improve his mood.

And so it happened that Jim’s wife was awakened a second time by a knock on the door, and she opened it to find not the neighbor but, of course, Jim — a smelly mess of mud, manure and straw.

“Jim! What happened?” she exclaimed.

“I don’t want to talk about it,” Jim said.

“But you’re filthy! And you stink!”

“I don’t want to talk about it,” Jim said. “Just bring me some soap and towels, and I’ll wash off with the garden hose.”

Jim cleaned up and returned to bed for a couple of hours of sleep. While eating breakfast the next morning, Jim heard the neighbor at the front door. Jim’s wife let the neighbor in and took him to Jim in the kitchen.

“I wanted to make sure that you’re all right,” the neighbor explained. “And I wanted to thank you again for helping me with the cow.”

“Everything okay?” Jim inquired.

“Yes,” said the neighbor, “cow and calf are both fine. I’ll keep a close watch on them for a few days but I think they’ll make it.”

“Good,” said Jim. (You’ve probably noticed by now that Jim was a man of few words.)

The neighbor continued, “And in case you’re needed again for a calving in the middle of the night, I wanted to give you this.” With that statement the neighbor pulled a small bottle from his pocket and placed it on the table in front of Jim. Jim lifted the bottle and saw that it was perfume.

Jim bolted from his chair to grab the neighbor but the neighbor had anticipated and was halfway down the drive. The neighbor got to his truck before Jim and drove down the road to home. Jim didn’t catch him, and that was a good thing for the neighbor because I think at that point Jim’s “neighborly love” was running on empty.

copyright 2009 by the author

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